Not With A Bang, But A Whimper

Disclaimer: I realize that after reading this, some of you will consider me a bad person. If you can’t read my opinion without getting indignant and respecting it, then stop reading right now. In addition, if you read this and somehow figure out who I’m talking about, and were in some way acquainted or affiliated with him, I mean no disrespect to him or his death.

During my daily “scan the internet,” I came across one advertising a memorial race, for a person that had taken his own life. Apparently he was quite a figure, and he knew a lot of people. Being a charity race, all proceeds will go to support his daughter.

I think it’s great that the local community is going to miss this guy, especially since he did so much for the community (not that I know because I’m not into his particular sport, but this is what they all say), and it’s nice that they want to donate money to support his daughter.

I was always under the impression that charity events, and events in memoriam were usually to honor a person’s life, ended by tragic circumstances: AIDS, cancer, car crash…not for someone deciding to be weak and selfish, and give up in the most permanent way, despite responsibilities to himself and his family.

Suicide is extremely complex, and I absolutely don’t understand it, nor do I make any claims to. All I can do is explain my viewpoint: I’m a firm believer in accepting the consequences of your actions, and to me, it’s one of those things that people do to escape, rather than to face whatever problem has taken them to the edge. You’re a junkie, an alcoholic, a compulsive something-er. You’ve got millions of dollars in debt, and you have made poor choices your whole life. You’re sad and lonely, and have no friends. Your choices brought you to that place, so it’s not like your choices can’t bring you out of those places. Being proactive, and positive, and also getting help (from anywhere) does wonders. I don’t take substance/physical/mental abuse or depression lightly; several of my close friends and family have gone through either, or both, and with proper help and committment to themselves and others, are recovering and doing quite well.

Bad things happen and I get that, but it’s how you choose to react to them that brings you to where you are. I understand that not eveyone is a fighter, and not everyone is strong and can deal with the consequences of their own actions and choices, but if you can’t deal with it, then maybe you shouldn’t go down that path in the first place. And if it does become too much, asking for help is crucial.

When someone kils him or herself, supposedly it’s a way to end their pain. But it’s just the beginning of pain and wondering for countless friends and family. Espeically if you accidentally brought a child into the world. The what if’s eat away at everyone: “What if I were nicer?” “What if I invited him here instead of excluding him?” “What if I hadn’t laughed at him?” It’s nice that people want to help, but it really isn’t their responsibility to care for his child. Suicide is a way for people to not deal with things, and that’s selfish.

I just somehow can’t reconcile this idea in my head.

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18 comments

  1. I believe there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it is  harder to look for it. I believe that challenges in life just make us stronger individuals and as long as we can presevere through it then we will end up learning a very valueable lesson that well help us succeed in the future.

  2. Like you, I imagine that if you’ve done something wrong or bad enough for you to consider suicide, living with it is a better penance than killing yourself.  Of course, mental and/or emotional impairment outside of one’s control is a bit of a different story, and at that point, others need to recognize it and step in, but for the most part, suicide is not the answer.  And this is just outside of the “burn in hell” religious perspective.

  3. Why or how one could kill themselves is hard to fully comprehend unless you’ve really experienced the pit of despair most of them go through.There was a period in HS when I was really depressed to the point where I found no joy whatsoever in living. Suicide wasn’t as option for me as that goes against my religious beliefs no to mention the pain it would put the family through. That said, if a meteor had fallen on me or I was told I had six months to live, I truly would have probably taken that as a relief instead of being sad.The emotional pain someone can feel in that state is beyond words and I’m sure my pain level was not nearly as bad and deep as others. Pep talks won’t work on people at those levels. Telling people things will get better tomorrow has little meaning to someone engulfed in pain day after day after day. The separation one can feel from everyone and everything else can be overwhelming. Take the pain and loss you’ve felt from losing your job, losing all your friends, throw in PJ breaking up with you and your family not talking to you, and then multiply that feeling by 1000, and you can start to better understand the pain thresholds severely depressed people feel. I never reached the level where I would seriously consider taking my life, but I was at a vantage point to really understand how others could feel that way.

  4. Omgggg, why do you miss school?Well, there’s a few positives concerning school, but there’s also the massive load of negatives hahaa.Great post, btw, I completely agree with you.Suicide IS selfish.And it affects so many people around them.

  5. @SoullFire – It’s not like I don’t understand that type of despair; I have experience with it both personally and through others. My point with this entry was, “Do we honor people and lives that end so selfishly.”@KrNcHiC91 – I miss school because I honestly love learning. And I thrive under that type of pressure. Plus it’s a safe world, where you’re old enough to know better but young enough not to care.@npr32486 – @Shinta_20090219 – @whotakethmycoke – It’s also why I think it’s necessary to surround yourself with people that love and care for you, and develop good relationships with people. Sometimes you need them to support you, and sometimes you need them to smack you in the head. @soberandunkissed – Operation Get Thin commenced at 0700 on Monday! Yay! It’s going to be a LONG and uphill battle…

  6. People are honored for the lives they have led as shown by their talents and/or services to their communities. The act of suicide shouldn’t negate all the positive things that person has done in their lives.Some people whom we honor that have committed suicide are Van Gogh, Nostradamus, and Sylvia Plath. Suicide is ultimately a selfish way to go, but so are many others. The person who drinks too much and dies in a traffic accident is just as guilty of a needless death in my opinion. Good people can make mistakes, and unfortuantely some mistakes are irreversible.

  7. my disclaimer: I in no way mean to disrespect.  This is merely my opinion.  I still think you’re a great person :DQuite the touchy subject here, but saying that suicide is only done by cowards and pussies is kind of unjustified.  Utter optimism is supposed to be able apparently to perform miracles and bring the dead back to life, but being someone who is an all out pessimist, I can’t believe that everyone can move themselves out of their situations.Sometimes, people reject you for the person you are… What if you like who you are?Sure, it’s a cowardly move, but what I’m saying here is that not all people can change what’s driving them to want to kill themselves…  They can’t really overcome a lot of it either.Optimism, in my opinion, is about the same as selective ignoring… and if it’s what makes people happy, then let them…But when you’re always face-to-face with the thing that’s bugging you… when you can’t sleep without it even filling your dreams… when the madness is starting to destroy your rationality, situations get out of hand.In no way am I justifying suicide btw…  Just… getting out the idea that not everything is in your control… sometimes, it’s not your fault… and even when it is, sometimes taking responsibility for it kills you inside.

  8. @SoullFire – Maybe I have an archaic viewpoint, but in the days of samurai, you could be the most honorable warrior, but if you die dishonorably, it dishonors your name and your family. It’s a bit of an extreme example, but you’re smart, so I’m sure you catch my drift. @babjengi – I know you’re a pessimist, but I still think you’re great. 🙂 I think when you have a responsibility to a young child, and a family, that brings things to a whole new level. To me, when you get married and have children, that’s saying you’re ready to put others before yourself.

  9. I might have agreed with you, except if you search this up, you’ll notice that in Japan, there are many students who commit suicide due to failing the university entrance exams. They just can’t deal with lamenting with the failure for the rest of their life. So it’s not just because the people who commit suicide want to escape or anything like that. Sometimes things just happen.

  10. @rising_zero – I was talking about traditional values, and Japanese students, Koreans, Americans….they all do it. And even if you read what you wrote, kids that kill themselves for not getting into university, they are trying to escape from shame of failure. Study harder. Prepare better. Lots of things you can do. I don’t believe in “fate” or “chance” per se; things happen, but if you’re prepared well enough, you can react appropriately.@babjengi – Haha, I try, but I get down on myself a lot. If I’m a happy, positive person, then people will want to be around me, and then I’m happy because of that. I have a Xanga to air my furstrations 😛

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