Frenemies and Endships

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am going to take a very extended hiatus from Anna.

As a quick refresher: she has been loud, inappropriate, obnoxious, conceited, self-absorbed, puerile, embarrassing, pompous, shallow, boastful, condescending, selfish, melodramatic, imposing, spoiled, acting entitled, nosy, judgmental, highly opinionated and outspoken, does things for shock value, has very low fiscal responsibility, uses people, and has no social or internal censor.

There are examples of this throughout my entries, of which I’m too lazy to go searching. But I am pretty sure, after talking to people we’re both close to and people that know just me very well, that I’m making the right decision, since they were thoroughy shocked that I’m even friends with her to begin with, let alone best friends. People I know and love don’t have a very high opinion of her, due to her behavior.

I’m just not sure how to break this to her. I’ve read articles and forums on breaking up with your friend. There was a story in the WSJ about how to do so, and, everyone I’ve spoken with says that I need to let her know instead of just disappearing. It’s hard though. I know that if I wait for her to call, she’ll be gushing about something she’s done, and I’ll never get a word in. And if I try, she’ll invalidate my feelings, and turn it into a pity party of excuses for her. She’ll probably also say she’s going to stay out of my life for a while, as if that will fix things. Sure it will fix not having to deal with her but it won’t fix the root of the problem: She needs to learn how to have scruples, and how to behave appropriately.

Half the people I’ve spoken with say, “Wait till she calls, then bring it up.” The other half thinks I should call her to inform her. And then there are a select few that say I should email her, that way I can get everything out that I need to, without her interrupting. Of course, email is the most informal way of doing so (aside from a text that says “Have a nice life”), but I’m not sure I have the cajones, or the confidence to compose something of this nature without it coming off as accusatory and attacking her. And I absolutely don’t want to say things like “It’s not you, it’s me” because you know what, it IS her. It’s not me being too conservative, or being uptight. It’s not me being boring and quiet. It’s that she’s being completely socially inappropriate and unacceptable.

This is where you guys come in. What do you think I should do, and how should I go about it.? The more advice I get, the more I seem to be able to come to terms with the end of this friendship, but I still don’t know how I should fade away, or completely cut it off.

Advertisements

9 comments

  1. Have you had any heart to heart talks with her about what you’re feeling? The thing I got from your prior entries was that you mostly suppressed your resentment/anger rather than confronting her head on – is that a fair assessment?This has been a long term friendship, so it could be very difficult to abruptly end things without prior notice where you actually, seriously, discussed what’s believed to be wrong about the current relationship and if things can’t change then it spells doom for continued friendship. The best way to handle it is to treat it as you would want to be treated. She may have no idea about how her actions are affecting you so you want to make sure you spell it out for her in no uncertain terms- then let the chips fall where they may.Be sure to do it as a friend though- less accusations and blame, more expressing your feelings, as in how her actions make you feel. And be prepared for a defensive response from her that could feel like a counterattack. Stay calm and stay on track.

  2. Oh, and one more thing – choose the medium of communication that you feel the most comfortable with where you think you can get all your points across without letting your emotions taking over. Face to face is usually best, but a well written letter explaining all your feelings might be better as a first move if you don’t think that would work due to personality types involved.

  3. Nothing ever gets done when you beat around the bush.  Don’t worry so much about being perceived as cold, insensitive or whatnot because that’s exactly what she’s been to this point, and she never gave a damn.  If she’s going to have double standards as to what proper behavior is, then she’s not a person you’d want to associate with anyway.

  4. sometimes people aren’t even worth the effort unfortunately- if that’s the case, it isn’t even necessary to address it head on.  you could just not have contact -and when it gets to the point where she brings it up or confronts you then speak your mind.  on the other hand, if you feel she does deserve some sort of explanation and you want to spin it somewhat there’s always the “we’ve grown apart…we’re different people ” route.

  5. just get on the phone and be like, Listen, I think we’ve outgrown each other and I don’t think I can get along with you anymore. I can’t talk to you right now, but if you have anything to say feel free to e-mail me. Thanks for listening, bye!wa-la! if you really want to end things with her, it doesnt matter what she thinks 🙂

  6. (oh yeah, and traders joe=VERY dangerous, b/c of good prices/perceived healthiness of snacks. but FRESH FOOD is always the way to go! and yaa hopefully i’ll be skinny by the time i get to belgium anyway…its not til september!)

  7. @Yohkom – @soberandunkissed – @SoullFire – @whotakethmycoke – @fromtx – Thanks everyone. You’re all right….I do need to do something about this, but it’s just so hard. She left me a VM over the weekend, asking how driving from New Haven to RI was, because of flooding and such. It’s clear that she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, and probably won’t till I say something. Of course, that is pretty much the basis of the problem, and PJ has told me that the longer I wait, the less valid things are. I’m going to try to email her today or something….wish me luck. I might post a draft on here so you can help me edit it 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s