Good Friends

Last night, I got into a discussion with Cassie. Yes, you remember her.

Cassie: Can I ask you something?
Jenna: Sure.
Cassie: Do you consider me a good friend?
Jenna (Thank God this is over AIM and not in person): What do you mean? Like a close friend, or a good person to be friends with?
Cassie:  Well both, I guess, I meant like a close friend though.
Jenna: Well, I think I’d say so. But what definition are you trying to fill?
Cassie: What do you mean?
Jenna: What’s your definition of a close friend?
Cassie: Someone you like spending time with, you care a lot about them, wish you could spend more time together if you could, think highly of them, respect them and think they’re a great person.

And this got me thinking. What is my definition of a good friend? That being said, there’s a complete difference between a close friend, and a person that’s good to be friends with. I know it’s certainly not her definition, and I think her perception of a close friend, and good person to be friends with, are the reasons she keeps losing them.

I thought about it for an hour while laying in bed last night. What are the differences, and what’s my definiton? I came up with these. See if you agree:

Good person to be friends with: A kind person that is always there when you need a helping hand. You have fun together, but it’s the more superficial and carefree sort of fun. This person might be able to hook you up, or teach you something, or just generally be someone with whom you are mutually beneficial. They’re there generally for the good times and might offer some support for bad times, but they’re not the first person you turn to. Of course, you respect them and their boundaries, but the boundaries are far more defined.

Good friend: A person you share a connection with. You can talk about nearly anything without fear of being judged. This person will commiserate with you, as well as feed the unicorn machine, but they’ll also give you tough love and constructive criticism (that you take without getting offended or upset). They’re there for the good as well as bad; especially the bad. Boundaries are fuzzy, and this person is more like family. There’s a lot more give and take, but you love them anyway.

Friends in general: You care about them, enjoy spending time with them, and can turn to them if you need (minor) help with things. 

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9 comments

  1. Yes, I’d agree with your definitions.  One’s mainly for fun/networking and the other is for their character/long term value.  But who can say, right?  Casual friends can turn into close friends in a heart beat and vice-versa depending on the situation.

  2. I would also add that the difference between a good friend and a good person to be friends with, if you havent noticed, you find yourself fighting more with the good friend than with a normal friend….just cuz we offer “constructive criticism” to our friends. 😀

  3. You’re right for the most part. Forget Cassie’s ‘definition’. She’s just describing how she sees herself as a ‘friend’, but I don’t think I had to point that out since you know this already.

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