Judge Not by the Color of Your Skin…

…but by the contents of your wallet.

Last night, I received a flurry of phone calls from the police department near work, and from my mother-in-law, who said they called her house as well. Someone had turned in my wallet, which I had apparently unknowingly lost at some point. At least they turned it in?

I went to the police station just now to pick it up, and there was a list of the contents – I started to think: If I had someone’s wallet, what would it say about them. Let’s examine mine, and I’ll tell you what I think it says, and you tell me what you think.

My wallet is a white Coach wristlet, with a black strap. It has a large pouch in the front with a snap. 

  • CT driver’s license. Ok this kills me every time. I own a house in CT, and I live there, and I work there, and really, I should have it. But my license plate, my area code, and my heart are still in RI.
  • Delta Skymiles AmEx. I must fly a lot? Or want to fly a lot? Or want to turn in the miles for gift cards to Neiman Marcus so I can buy more Louboutins?

    Image courtesy of inofashion.com

  • Sovereign Santander debit card, with a different last name. Did I recently get married? Or are there parts of me that won’t let go of my old self? Or maybe I recently got divorced? The world will never know! Obviously I’ve been with this bank for a long time, since they recently dropped the “Sovereign” name.
  • Best Buy credit card, with the same last name as the Santander card. I must like electronics and other crap! Maybe it was just too much work to change my name….
  • AAA World Points VIsa, as Peter D. Hm….who is this gentleman? Dad? Husband? Brother? Ex? And damn, I really like my points!
  • SCCA membership card. Sports Car Club of America? I must be pretty badass! 
  • Health Insurance card. BOOOOOOOORING. But at least it means I’m employed.
  • AAA Platinum Plus Roadside Assistance card. Oooh, the expensive top tier! I must do something with cars or traveling a lot!
  • Book of Forever stamps – none missing. Who the hell sends SNAIL MAIL in 2014????
  • Three Unibal pens. Two ballpoint rollerball gel, one retractable rollerball gel. All extra fine point, silver barrel, black ink. Obviously I write a lot, and send mail. I’m like Jane Austen’s Emma. Or maybe some weirdo that actually likes real mail.

    Image courtesy of betterlivingthroughbeowulf.com

  • Business card holder, with business cards. Professional? All right!
  • Small metal tube, unscrewable cap. There’s something that looks like a car on the front, and it says “Motorsports” in tiny letters. I definitely like cars. Inside, there are two cheap-o orange ear plugs. Ok, whatever. No judgement.
  • Victoria’s Secret Shiny Kiss lip gloss, Citrus Kissed flavor. Yum!

The other thing that’s notable about this wallet is that there is absolutely no cash of any kind in there. No change, no dollars, nothing. The wallet is nearly grey because it’s so dirty and old. In any sense, I’m happy to have it back, and I can only hope that the person that turned it in a) did not go through it and steal my credit card numbers and person information, and b) didn’t take anything out, because I didn’t even know it was lost, and I couldn’t give the officer an accurate list of what was in it the last time I checked. I’ll deal with that if or when I come to it, but at least I can be assured that whomever went through my wallet to find my name thinks I’m a traveling car enthusiast that likes writing letters, electronics, and likes her lips to taste good.

So….what’s in your wallet?



One comment

  1. UNBELIEVABLE. I wonder how long it would take for you to notice it was missing.
    My wallet is very small. It has: NY driver’s license (with Brooklyn address where I never lived); US permanent resident card; RT digital access card (not building pass); US credit card; US debit card; Russian debit card; 2 medical insurance cards – regular and dental; metro card; McCafe card; 8 Advil pills, about $50-worth in Russian Rubles, and a stash of receipts I hadnt reconciled yet.

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