Life is a Highway, Part 10: Critters

I want to make it clear that I do not hate nature.  Nor do I hate animals.  (Mosquitoes are not animals.)  And so the wildlife encountered on this road trip was generally pleasantly experienced.

As you know, I saw a moose.  That was the big one.  But there were elk, deer, lizards, chipmunks, and bison.  Not to mention the HUNDREDS OF COWS AND HORSES EVERYWHERE!!!!!

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These are all wild animals – while they’re used to people (or so it seemed), they’re still wild, and so for the most part, I kept my distance.  I wasn’t scared of them per se, but they are also unpredictable.  You know, no one wants to be eaten by a wild cow.

The moose was pretty scary, just based on sheer size.  And the chipmunk was a bit alarming – no creature that small should have teeth that proportionally large, nor should it be that fat (it was sphere-shaped). But the scariest animal I came across on this trip – the wildest, most unpredictable, most dangerous animal – was on the last day, on my trip to a waterfall off the highway.


Let me tell you.  I have firsthand experience with these crazy birds.  Geese are insane motherfuckers, and they will stop at nothing to make sure they get their way, and that you know who’s the boss.  They will peck at you and eat you alive.  When you have something they want, they will chase you until your little 3-year-old legs cannot run any more, and they will never let you forget the one time you were nice and tried to feed them and then ran out of bread. They’re vicious, stupid, and relentless.

When you’re on a trip through nature, and you encounter God’s other creatures, it’s important to respect them.  Unless they are geese, and then you have full reign to run at them screaming, and flapping your arms till they scatter.  Revenge is sweet, bitches.



    And yeah, geese are total beasts. But I was pretty freaked out by the hordes of bison in Montana.

    1. That chipmunk was the size of a baseball. Seriously. I didn’t mind the bison and cows and whatnot, and the elk was cool since I’d never seen them. It was also delicious later that night 😉

      1. Haha, with the way that chipmunk was circling the backpack, looking for food, it probably WAS pregnant. And fat. Geese are the worst creatures. I maintain that they will eat me, no matter how much bigger I am than they are.

      2. Well, you know, he’s got a good life going. Living by a gorgeous waterfall, always entertaining guests and eating well….

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