I am always in awe of those food challenge people. You know, Adam Richman, the Man v. Food guy, or even the stuff that comes up in the news, like the Super Bowl of Pho. There are also the spicy challenges, which seem like a form of masochism.
Not to be outdone, my people decided to create their own challenge: The Samyang 2x Spicy Noodle Challenge. Okay this is not officially a challenge, but still. I saw a video on YouTube about it, and when I found them in the store, I knew I had to try it.
She’s a wuss, right? She can’t handle the Korean fire, right? Well, we shall soon see…
I found them in a store near a bar I happen to enjoy, and of course I needed to buy them. Before you ask, we’d not even gone in the bar yet!
Dinnertime rolled around the next day, and while I wasn’t super hungry, I figured it was now or never for the fire noodles. I warn you, all the photos from hereon out are unedited for lighting or making me look better. There was simply no time. My mouth was dying.
I mean, the packaging is so unassuming! Cute, even! Yes, it says 2x spicy, but there’s a pirate chicken throwing bombs and lightning bolts! How bad can it really be? Leave it to the Koreans to make something terrifying look adorable.
I was pretty skeptical. I accidentally had a bit more water than the directions called for, and instead of leaving it plain, I added some shredded lettuce, egg, furikake seasoning, and a bit of old grilled chicken. It was dinner, after all! (Also, as a PSA, spicy, soggy lettuce does NOT taste good…)
I did put on a lipgloss protectant with soothing aloe and other things to make chapped lips feel better prior to eating. You’ll see how well it helped…
First bite! Here we go! Okay, it’s not so bad…a little sweet even! I notice a lot of people don’t actually chew ramen, so I made it a point to chew it like I would chew any normal food…wait…omg, my lips are tingly! Delicious tingles..wait no, definitely not delicious. My tongue feels like it’s swelling. The fire is going straight to my sinuses.
Have some milk! Okay, we’re okay now. No biggie, it’s….wait the milk is gone and I’m still burning. It is like licking a hot cast iron pan…
Another bite and my lips are scalding hot. Not just the part that is touching the noodles, but it’s spreading! I am surprised I’m not blistering! Maybe I am, I feel like anything that’s touched the sauce is 2x the size (maybe that’s what they mean by 2x?) I quickly slurp up more noodle, and it splatters onto my chin a bit! Damn! now my chin is a bit tingly! Oh man, gotta keep going! We can’t waste it!!!
My nose is red, and running profusely. My lips are red. The red “aura” around them is the burn. Notice that the “protectant” didn’t work at all. (It did serve an unintended purpose, however. It kept them from chapping from the heat!) My eyes were watering, and I felt like every exhale was going to light something nearby on fire. This must be what those Game of Thrones dragons must feel like. What a bad way to live!…and this was three bites in.
With a rating of 8400 Scoville units, it’s about the heat of a jalapeño (you know, the hot ones, not the lame regular ones). I routinely eat jalapeños, and enjoy them, so it shouldn’t be that bad, right? I mean, those aren’t all that spicy, right? WRONG. It’s HOT. Like really hot. Imagine not one but a bunch of them, mashed up, seeds and all. And then you eat it with a spoon. It’s so hot, if you get it on your skin, you will break out in a rash.
I thought I could handle it. I thought I would be fine. Nope. A full glass of milk later, it burns. Ice cream, ice, anything you can think of, and it still burns. The “extras” were no help, either. They just absorbed the hot oil, and it was like eating spicy everything. Even this morning (it’s 8:51 and I ate it at 18:30 last night), there’s still a faint tingle on my lips.
But what I’m more concerned about is when it’s time to come out the other end. While I was breathing fire before, I might be shitting fire now. Let’s hope I drank enough milk to negate it…only time will tell.