New Year’s Resolution 4/12 and 5/12

I finished two books in the month of March (and still have two days left for my third). The first one was Jeremy Clarkson’s book, For Crying Out Loud: The World According to Clarkson. It’s a collection of his newspaper column from the mid 2000’s, and it’s just as funny as he is on Top Gear.

I’ve had a crush on Jeremy Clarkson for a few years…ok more than a few. Closer to fifteen. I think he’s witty, charming, and I love his disdain for hybrid cars. The accent doesn’t hurt either. And his point of view is generally along the lines of mine. The book was laugh-out-loud funny. So funny, that I actually had people looking at me in the lunchroom. I’d recommend it if you enjoy his sense of humor at all. Plus, it helps when you can hear his voice in you head.

The second book I read this month was completely different, and it was torturous. Anyone with any interest in North Korea should read it, as long as they can separate themselves emotionally from the words on the page. It’s called Escape from Camp 14: One Man’s Remarkable Odyssey from North Korea to Freedom in the West, and it’s the story of Shin Dong-Hyuk, the only person to be born inside a North Korean camp and escape to the west.

He wrote a journal once he escaped, which was turned into a memoir, but no one read it. It was only when this English version came out that he gained widespread attention. The book is not as graphic as another memoir I’ve read, but it strikes up particularly strong emotions – especially for me because the State Department had my country of origin listed as North Korea. I read the book in just a few days, because I couldn’t put it down, but if you have strong feelings about either of the Koreas, you might not want to start it. 

The third book that I’m aiming to finish is another memoir, but of a totally different type…..Stay tuned!

 

I had a dream that I was 5-6 months pregnant, and was searching for someone to throw me down the stairs. That can’t be normal.

“Must Be Nice To Have Boobs”

Yesterday, I was on my way to a housewarming party. I had to go through a few tollbooths, and I was coming from 75mph. I accidentally stayed too far left, and needed to get over to the right, but there was an old Toyota Camry pacing me.

I sped up, noticed the cop hit the brakes, and went through the tollbooth. Once through, I saw the cop behind me and he turned his lights on.

“FUCK.”

He came up to the passenger side of the car, and I was leaning over PJ, trying to talk to the cop through the open window. 

He took my license and registration, read them, and asked me a few questions, as I kept leaning over because he was having trouble hearing. I had to keep leaning further and further – I’m not horribly loud and we were on the Mass Pike.

Cop: Whose car is this?
Me: It’s my dad’s.
Cop: You have a different last name?
Me: No, D’Amico is my middle name now.
Cop: Oh, ok. The speed limit at the tolls is 40 mph. I had you clocked going 59.
Me: I’m sorry, I was trying to get around the car next to me, I should have slowed and gone behind instead of in front.
Cop: How many times have you been pulled over in Massachusetts?
Me: I’ve never been pulled over in Massachusetts.
Cop: Never? Ok, well, just slow down and don’t do it again, I don’t want to see anyone get hurt.
Me: Ok, I’m sorry, thank you.

The cop went back to his car, PJ rolled up the window, and turned to me.

“You. Are. So. Fucking. Lucky. Must be nice to have boobs.”

New Year’s Resolution: 3/12

Last night I finished The Age of Innocence. 

I like the whole idea of class, social propriety, and rules. I really do. And the whole “dressing for dinner” thing, and it’s like NYC in the time of Downton Abbey. What’s better than that?

I will say though, Edith Wharton has a knack for anticlimactic endings. I haaaaaaaaaaated Ethan Frome. This book was anticlimactic, I suppose, but I can relate. At the end, Newland won’t go up to see the love of his life, who was forced out of his life 30 years ago, because he has a perfect memory of her, and doesn’t want to ruin it.

It’s funny, sometimes. You can meet someone and have insane chemistry and a crazy connection – and then it’s over, in a flash. And you might think of them every day, but as the years pass, the memory of that person becomes idealized. You might or might not get the opportunity to see them again, but when you do, you don’t want to because what if everything is different, and it taints the perfect memory you have?

I met a guy while on study abroad, and we fell head over heels for each other in what can only be described as a modern day whirwind romance. We kept in contact a few days at a time at first, and then weeks, then months…then he stopped all together. I see him pop up on Instagram and Facebook every now and again, and each time my stomach flips. Every year I wish him a happy birthday (and he responds and makes my heart race)…but that’s as far as it goes. He’s my one that got away…and I still think of him often – daily even. But it will be 7 years in July that we said goodbye, so now all I have is a memory. And even if I had the chance to see him again, I don’t know that I’d be able to…what if he’s different? I’m different…so why wouldn’t he be different? And if we’re both different, there’s a very good chance that what we had was actually nothing. At the time it was something and it was something so powerful it’s stuck with me all these years – enough to be life changing, even. But what if now it’s nothing? The way I felt was so intense that I am afraid if we see each other again, it would taint the memory, and I’d have to say goodbye to what it made me believe in: The Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. 

I, like Newland, would rather hang on to that perfect memory.