I Lie Awake, I Drive Myself Crazy

This whole not having a job and expiring health insurance is really, really starting to take a toll on me.

I’ve rescheduled an appointment to fall in the coverage dates, after spending 30 minutes on the phone with Blue Cross. My optometrist isn’t in my network, and my dentist’s office said that my insurance was canceled last month. I won’t be able to continue any medication past March (unless I buy it from a sketchy online pharmacy) and I’m really, really upset about the general state of everything right now. I just want a fucking job already, and one with insurance, so I don’t have to spend hours on the phone or emailing HR at my old company, which I would really like to cut ties with already.

I’m sick of lazing around the apartment, I’m sick of my life not having any definition. I’m sick of relying on PJ to pay for things, and I really, really hate the fact that he’s so nonchalant about it. It makes me feel like a mooch and a spoiled brat–I’m impotent and out of control, something I really hate. I feel like I have no other purpose than to clean my apartment or knit a scarf, and get fat. I don’t have cable, Oprah bores me and I can only scrub the floors and toilet so many times.

I want to have a reason to get up in the morning. I want to be able to do lunch. I want to be able to make a doctor’s appointment without worrying that I’ll have to pay more than the copay, and if I have to, I don’t want to have to go without eating that week. I want to be able to join the gym and take a yoga class, or run for a few hours on the treadmill.

I just want to have something in my life to be proud of, and feel like I accomplished something.


In other news, much to the chagrin of the majority of people that browse this blog, for the Lenten season I am going to have a section in every daily entry about what I do and don’t eat. I think with my no bread/rice/pasta thing, it will help me last the entire season if I have some sort of countdown and encouragement (and it will also encourage me to post more). I’m also planning on running 3-5 times per week. Lucky for the people who hate this sort of thing, it won’t start till Wednesday.



  1. First off, make sure you keep your insurance from lapsing, even if you have to get one with less coverage/benefits. While you have coverage, ask your doc to give you the prescription for the medicine you need, then order it from a Canadian pharmacy – much much cheaper from there.The main thing to remember is you do have a full time job right now- and that’s finding yourself a job, and you have to treat it as such. Make a schedule of the things you need to do – network, research, and pumping out the resumes.Look for any economic trade meetings or conferences you could attend to hob knob. Scan the want ads online for the various papers and jobs boards. Use the library as your alternate office- they have a good supply of information and resources there. As you get info, you should be able to start sending out resumes on a regular basis like clockwork.Good research and networking is going to take effort and time- this is why it’s a full time job in itself. You’re going to have to be aggressive and want your job more and put more effort in that the other person. I know you can do it cuz you’re fearless- being unfazed by dislocated shoulders and all. =)Remember, no lying around the house watching TV- you have a job to do!

  2. @npr32486 – I had a very, very bad experience with a recruiter when going for my first job. Never again. (Sorry Stephanie.)@ObsessionsHelp – I promise I’ll stop at Easter. That stuff drives me insane.@SoullFire – I apply to at least 5 positions a day, redoing my cover letter and resume for each. Considering I’ve been out of work for slightly over a month, I’d say it’s pretty decent numbers. It’s hard though, because no one is hiring around here, and you can only apply for so many things before you start to see the same job listings over and over. I’m desperate though, I’m going insane here. I want to just do something. I don’t care what.

  3. what kind of job in what industry are you looking for? It took me a good four months to find a job when I was unemployed a year ago. Just keep learning about what companies want and try to make some moves to obtain those skills. 

  4. Indeed, the state of the Union is quite grim…You know, you hear about how the economy’s affecting everyone so deeply… so and so laid off 10,000 employees, so and so laid off 15,000 employees, etc.You’re the first person that I’m (kinda) in touch with who actually lost a job to it.That sucks…I hope you find a job soon.What field were you in?  What company?

  5. @ShengHaiSan – I’m looking for anything. I have experience in marketing, reception/admin assistant, HR, and finance. I don’t think I’ll last 4 months. I’m going out of my mind.@babjengi – I worked for Ortronics Legrand, a structured cabling company. Exhilarating, I know. I was a market analyst there, but I did research reports for every department. But before that, I worked at a human services company which was far more rewarding (and interesting!)

  6. That’s what I want to hear – that’s a really good amount of resumes going out and the tailored cover letters are great! Now remember, it feels like a lot of time has passed but in business time, it’s slow in HR-ville. HR gets resumes then usually is slow to organize and process them. It may take at least a month before you start hearing from your first resumes sent out.Your next step is to look for getting face time with prospects via job fairs, expos, trade shows. That will give you the edge over a resume sitting in a pile of others as you are talking to someone from the company you can now engage to put your best foot forward. I really think there is a market for “good” marketing analysts. The economy has shown many marketing analysts to be “off the mark”, so if you can show you understand and get this economy, you will be ahead of the pack. =) have something in mind that shows you have a good grasp of economic current events and forecasts if you speak to any prospective employers. Hmmm, you may also look into volunteering for something during this time. Helping others refocuses your mind and it feels good helping people.Hmmm, now that I think about it- one part time job that should be in high demand right now is tax preparation.

  7. @jdrop – Well, try not to feel like a burden.  The guy’s your husband right?  Let the man be a man haha, let him support you like he wants to (all men want to protect what they consider theirs).  And volunteering is definitely a nice way to spend your time like soullfire mentioned.I heard apparently that some bars have these things called Pink Slip parties for people who get laid off.  Basically, people looking for jobs wear pink bracelets, and employers come to these to discuss.  People just have drinks, have fun, talk, and possibly find jobs.  Perhaps you should find one of these in your area 😀

  8. @babjengi – NO WAY we’re not married! Not yet, anyway. That Pink Slip party sounds kind of fun. I’ve never heard of it till now, but I’m going to check into it.@SoullFire – I actually can’t work part time or anything because then i forfeit my unemployment checks and my continued health benefits from my old company, which run out in a month. I would rather have health insurance for one more month, because that’s the part that’s freaking me out most. I’m not Noriel Roubini–I’m not that good. And I was predicting the market for copper and fiber infrastructure…not anything really interesting or useful. I might try to volunteer somewhere, so I’m not going out of my mind at home.

  9. Girlfriend, I totally feel your pain. Unemployment sparks the most intense feelings of boredom, frustration and uselessness. Its a scary thing, but you will find a way. It may take awhile, but you will find something.

  10. The fact that are even aware of and acknowledge folks like Noriel Roubini already puts you ahead of many. =) So many analysts continue to rebuff Roubini or Peter Schiff despite their analysis and predictions proving true again and again….it’s like they are weaing blinders.

  11. I remember a time in my life that I finally had some health insurance with my employer; the premiums went up, and I was unable to pay the next installment. Unfortunately, I had emergency surgery that could not be delayed.  I was scared that my insurance was already canceled, and I had to pay a huge hospital bill.  It actually cost $27,000 for my hospital stay.  Barely 24 hours.I was sooooo lucky I had coverage when I was hospitalized..

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