Disney is evil. For years, it’s been making movies, embellishing upon
fairy tales and creating completely unrealistic expectations. I don’t
know how they’ve managed to corrupt and destroy the lives of millions
of innocent children and go unpunished. it’s probably because none of
us realized they were behind all of our disorders and complexes until
it was too late and they were deeply seeded in the very core of our
being.
- UNREALISTIC BODY PROPORTIONS: Your heroines are always the same:
Gorgeous, princesses (at least in the end), and 16-18 years old. And
yes, they can all talk to animals, and yes, their hair is thicker than
their waist.
They’ve got better measurements than Barbie. It’s a completely
unattainable goal, thereby influencing generations of little girls and
introducing them to the wondrous eating disorder. Give a heroine some
curves, why don’t you? - THE NIGE GUY GETS THE GIRL: This doesn’t happen in real life. 99%
of the time. Lots of times, the nice guy gets the girl and she leaves
him for the jock, or she turns into Medusa. The nice guy in your movies
is always a prince (or even a Beast that used to be a prince), and in
the end, he wins the girl and saves the day.
In the real world, nice guys finish
last more than they should. And they get f-ed over far more than they
should. It’s not fair, and it might be more relateable if your hero had
to suffer a little and really work for something for once. No, I don’t
consider fending off other suitors, or traveling the countryside with a
shoe “work.” - THE MAGICAL AGE: Somehow, all your
heroines seem to be right around 16 (or 18). Or they’re turning 16. And
16 is when all thesse magical things are supposed to happen.
Well let me tell you. 16 came and went, and I got nothing. I didn’t get
a boyfriend (or married, as so many of your characters so often do), I
didn’t suddenly look like a princess, and I sure as hell didn’t get any
more freedom regarding my curfew or extracurriculars. I didn’t even get
my driver’s license. I waited around for 18, and still got squat. I was
still single, still fat, and definitely still at a 10pm curfew. That
being said, maybe you should rethink your definition of those ages. - HAPPILY EVER AFTER: How is it that every couple in every movie gets to live happily ever after? How! It’s not possible.
There’s no divorce, no alcoholism, no cheating. There’s no lying, or
late nights at work, and certainly never any arguments. There are no
job layoffs, or deaths in the family, and there are no stresses over
finances (though I guess since they’re all royalty it doesn’t matter).
It’s like every couple just gets married and relies on love to get them
through everything.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work
like that, and neither does love. Life has all these inconveniences
that are far greater than smashing a shoe, or living under the sea. And
in real life, love might come naturally, but a relationship, a really
good one, takes work. It’s compromise and sacrifice. It’s a full-time
job. Love isn’t all you need. You need to be committed and willing to
suffer. And sometimes it will work out. This happily every after stuff
doesn’t just happen, and if it does, it’s not because of luck. Or love.
Disney movies have this way of both inspiring you and making you
completely depressed at the same time. It’s quite the interesting
paradox. Sure, you’re never going to be a size -15, and Prince Charming
isn’t going to knock on your door and sweep you off your feet. No, you
can’t talk to the little mouse that lives in your wall, or to the birds
that won’t stop singing at 4am. No, life is not a Disney fairy tale.
The stories give you hope that something like that could happen, and
even knowing that the chances are one in a billion, it’s still nice to
dream. As long as we wake up to reality in the end.
And all the roads we have to walk are winding... 